


The Only Mistake

by NDF



Series: Be Quiet and Drive [2]
Category: The L Word
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, F/F, POV First Person, Romance, Sexual Content, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-01
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2019-03-12 04:53:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13540086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NDF/pseuds/NDF
Summary: Carmen tells her side of the story to a FBI inquiry investigating her actions following the events of The Line Begins to Blur.





	1. Strain

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequel to the The Line Begins to Blur. If you are new to the story you will have to read The Line Begins to Blur to understand what is happening here.

As the Assistant Director of the F.B.I. I have lived and seen a lot of things. Some pleasant most of them not so pleasant. A little over 2 years ago one of my brightest agents stormed into my office and asked me what the meaning of justice was? She asked me how evidence could lead to someone; how it could prove without a shadow of a doubt that someone did something horrible …she asked me how could they still get away with it? She has seen firsthand how the just justice system on occasion could fail you, this agent a victim of the justice system she was sworn to protect. A justice system she now had no belief in, no patience for. I couldn’t blame her. If it were my girlfriend, the love of my life, I would doubt it just as much as she did.

My answer to her was simple. Justice has flaws, nothing was ever solid. Everything has cracks and that’s what comes with the job. I suggested to Carmen that maybe she needed time to cope with her loss. Her answer was a polite fuck you. She told me that she was going to build a case against this street racer person. I reminded her that the F.B.I. was not an office of grinding personal axes. I told her that the best thing for her was time to cope with her loss. She wasn’t hearing me though.

One of my brightest and youngest agents was in a hell I knew nothing of.

Time went by and I assumed that she made her peace. When I received the memo from the D.E.A. about the possibility of a joint task force to handle a growing connection with street racing and a heavy movement of Crystal Meth, I wondered if this agent of mine had found a voice within the D.E.A. to hear her call for revenge. As far as I was concerned this “Havoc” was nothing more than a petty thug; the evidence spoke otherwise. Add the involvement of several members of Bakersfield finest in cahoots and we had the makings of joint taskforce.

Well the next day who again stormed into my office demanding to be the S.A.C? The very agent who I see now, tired, aged, bitter, I didn’t recognize her. The spark that fueled her was replaced by revenge. And something else, a new loss. I had questioned her partner who subtly hinted to me that Carmen Morales was no longer home. He confiding in me off the record that she had fallen in love with a woman who was her contact into the undercover assignment I didn’t really know she was on. Her involvement in this case was strictly for surveillance purposes. She had to have made a deal with the cowboys over at the D.E.A.; I had to laugh at the insanity of this. The cowboys had no rules, they had a budget I could only wish for, they had used my agents need for revenge to do their dirty work…..this was all a big fat fucking disaster is what this was. This was going to end badly for her….bad for the F.B.I. Which meant bad for me; I had to do something to get this under control, to save a career of one of the smartest behavioral profilers I have ever seen.

This meeting was going to go one of two ways. She was either going to tell us everything including the whereabouts of this McCutcheon person, or she was going to give us nothing. Given her demeanor and everything I know about Agent Carmen Morales this meeting wasn’t going to last very long.

 

*

 

O.P.R. or Office of Professional Review.

 

“Agent Morales?”

“Yes.”

“You are here to provide some details we feel were not addressed in your initial report. This panel has been assembled to consider your negligence and response to the deaths of several individuals, two of them police officers…..and also the whereabouts of your key witness.” 

They meant Shane.

 

“Is this amusing Agent?”

 

“No A.D. Porter. It’s not funny. I am just trying to understand why I am here?”

“Your report is vague and it makes assumptions… These are preliminary hearings to assess your future with the F.B.I. We will reconvene tomorrow at 9:00 AM, and hopefully you’ll smooth the wrinkles in your report. Good day Agent.”

From bad to worse that’s how this day started. It started with Shane calling me at 5 in the morning, and it ended at 5:02 and with me and my head smushed in a pillow so my neighbors wouldn’t hear me crying. I have been doing that a lot lately. The head shirkers at the office think I might have what we call the Pitts.

Post-traumatic stress syndrome or the Pitts is what happens when you fuck up big time. My partner Agent Mills had warned me. He told me on several occasions that I was deep in hole on this case. He said “Carm you’re taking too personal an interest in this case.” What could I tell him? Maybe something along the lines of:”Hey the rat fucker we are supposed to bring in? Yeah he killed my girlfriend….not like that, my tongue in the mouth girlfriend.”

The F.B.I. was an interesting world. They adopted the don’t ask, don’t tell but if we find out, you’ll be on fertilizer detail forever policy. At least they do at my branch. I don’t know. I missed Shane. Was she alright? My mind was all over the place. It’s weird…I spent so much time on this case that the more things in life I’ve forgotten. Like paying my rent or my electric bill or my car payments or visiting Helena. Her grave was probably taken care of but I guess I wanted to talk to her. This was all about her anyway.

And yet here I am one step so very far away from the life I use to live. Desperate to find a voice I wasn’t sure was mine anymore. I have this ritual in which I would stand in front of a mirror and say my name. My name is Carmen, my name is Carmen Morales, and my name is Agent Carmen de la pica Morales… Drop the del la pica it won’t fit on your badge.

Is that where my change started?

Oh who fucking knows….I had 24 hours to get my story straight. I had 24 hours to get my shit together to answer to all the blood I had on my hands. Shane’s words still echoing in my mind. “There’s a lot of blood on our hands ….we need to go…..” Gosh that voice…like melting butter and chocolate. Way to smooth….

So I make my way to visit Helena. I figured I owed her an apology for going and falling in love with someone else…for failing to bleed the man who set this bullshit all in motion. For telling her to get out of my house cause she didn’t want to tell her mom to fuck off. For turning myself into a monster….for letting all this shit fucking crash on me….I don‘t know I was running out of shit to crap on myself about. Her grave is immaculate. She is resting under a huge tree…never did find out what kind…  
“Hey babe….how are those clouds? Fluffy? Found a sexy angel? I miss you…. Before you start you should know that I finally got the guy who killed you….your probably not happy with the way I went about it ….I am sorry I let you down….I’ll try to visit you more.”

 

I went back home to Los Angeles and I decided to give A.D. Porter my real report. I sat down old school style and wrote down everything I didn’t write in my real report. Maybe I was asking for old time’s sake. But I needed her to understand this and how quickly it was disrupted. I titled it for her eyes only, I made it clear that I had no intention of continuing my employment with the F.B.I. and I apologized for using their resources and taxpayer dollars to grind my personal axe.

 

 

Hey Bette, this is a detailed summary of the events leading to arrest of one William “Havoc” Woyawikka. In this report you will find that on the events of April third 2005. William Woyawikka ran over my girlfriend Helena Peabody driving down Sunset Blvd at over a hundred miles an hour. The very same girlfriend you introduced me to in 04 at the Women of Law Enforcement Convention. By the time you read this document I will be gone from California. I was trained well so I wouldn’t bother wasting tax payer’s dollars on trying to find someone who doesn’t want to be found. Please don’t hold Agent Mills responsible for my actions. He followed protocol at every turn. I guess this is my confession. I admit that over the course of the assignment I demanded to be placed on that I became amorously infatuated with my key witness. I can’t pin point when it happened and maybe if I had I wouldn’t be in this situation I am in now…

 

West Hollywood, California. 1 ½ years ago.

 

 

“Hey Mills you getting this?” I said to Mills over the walkie talkie.  
“Yeah is that her?” Crackle of static.

“Yeah the one in black….orange tank underneath…that’s their colors right?”

“Yeah ……….hey Carm why am I the one always stuck in the van?”

“Come on Mills…don’t make me answer that.”

“It’s the nickname right?”

 

“Pork chop? I would never say it to your face.” I had laughed while sipping my warm diet coke. 

 

“Hey Carm…..Carm……..you’re breaking up….”

I really could hear Mills anymore because I got distracted by Shane and Dana. I wondered what they were talking about. If I moved in closer I would have to give myself up…they looked good together……I missed Helena, we use to come here all the time…look at the way she looks at her…like she is the only one in the whole planet….I wondered if Shane knows the woman she is with is married

“....we got movement….oh shit….” Mills had said with panic in his voice. “Carmen we got movement subject two is leaving the restaurant over….”

 

“Yeah I know sorry me ….um…drifted off there sorry……….stay with subject two I got the Bully…..over”

“Copy…”

My report that day read. Subject: Shane McCutcheon, A.K.A. Bully. Left the Planet coffee house and went home and got drunk end. Report.

The truth was that Shane went to a bar 30 blocks away and got into a bar fight when she hit on a woman who was not interested, the woman then had her boyfriend handle the situation who then stabbed her in the stomach and kicked her in the head before Shane was able to pistol whip the man and head out into the ally at which time she passed out due to trauma to her torso….it was raining and no one came to her aide so I did…I confiscated her weapon….and called an ambulance and they took her to Helena’s hospital. I didn’t stay to identify myself for fear of having to explain the obvious. I don’t know why I did that….I should have gone through the proper channels…I couldn’t just let her die…It was something about her…the reckless angry way she was…she was wild, feral, you could see it in the way she walked. She had nothing to live for she was like me. I looked down on this tough bleeding woman, so unlike Helena who was soft refined and polished. Shane came from the same place I did only I got out. Holding her in my arms as she bled and bled, I willed her not to die. I watched as they loaded her up and drove off.

I got home that night and Mills was waiting. Apparently the tennis player or subject two as we have been calling her went home and called it a night…Mills wasn’t too thrilled about splitting up. He asked how tailing the Bully went and I told him that’s she just went home…he didn’t ask why my hair was wet…and he didn’t seem to notice the dried blood in my hands from when I held the compress to her wound…. He left after we agreed to meet at the usual place.

I lay in bed thinking about Shane wondering if she was ok. I called the hospital and used my connections in the hospital to check on her…she was in stable condition…with a mild concussion……surgery to fix the damage from the knife wound was successful….I didn’t like the idea that jerk off who stabbed her got away with it but my hands were tied. She was so vulnerable there in the rain….she looked at me but she was passing out her eyes couldn‘t focus cause of the pain she was in…..it was weird how attracted to her I was….and when I say attracted I don’t mean in a physical sense though I had noticed how sexy she was…her every movement like liquid, nothing was wasted…She was, is so very beautiful….sorry….it was that and something else…it was the danger that swirled around her….it was the fact that she was in a man’s world and she never let it hold her down….. So alike yet different she and I. It was that night that I started to feel like a criminal. After that night I started going out alone. Just to get a feel for how her world really worked. I got in my car and cruised around looking for the signs…tread marks on the roads, spray painted start finish lines. All the things a behavioral profiler should be looking for in the illegal street racing capital of the country…

I needed more; I needed to know more about her. She was on my mind all the time. I waited for her when she got out of the hospital. A young man picked her up and paid her bills…he was number two on our tree, Mark Wayland, they seemed close but not in a sexual way. He hugged her the way my brothers hugged me. I maintained my distance and followed them home. They had a party that night in her apartment. She spent the night on the phone trying to get Fairbanks to talk to her. She fell asleep on her floor and woke when everyone was gone except a young woman in her early twenties. Mark had the woman take care of all of Shane’s needs till she was well enough to take care of herself, which lasted two days. Shane then went back to work; her job at the time was to sleep with the new recruits for Curtis Wayland. Number one on our tree. Did she enjoy sleeping with those women you will have to ask my partner? I couldn’t bring myself to watch her do that?

I read the file on Shane McCutcheon A.K.A Bully, at least 15 times. I had it memorized, I didn’t want to admit that I read the file just to look at her mug shot…the file read like this: Several arrests for reckless driving, some B&E’S, Trespassing, Public indecency , her mugshot was what first caught my eye. It was black and white…and she was smirking…it was a sexy smirk….arrogant….challenging…her hair covering most of her face it was so messy…all you could see where her eyes…her smirk…it was all a game to her…she was definitely my way in…but I didn’t want to use her for some reason.

All of this made me forget how Helena was gone. It filled that big fucking hole. Finding a new way to think other than HelenaHelenaHelena. I was tired of playing in the background. When I asked to be put on this case, I thought at the time that I would be used for more lucrative purposes. But no, you didn’t want me getting close to him……said it would cloud my judgment… so I had to take matters in my own hands. 

That was my second mistake.


	2. Could have made it before.

And what about mistakes? How many did I really make during the course of this case? I lost track when I first made myself known to The Outsiders. My contact at the D.E.A. was Chico Mendoza. He approached me after Helena’s funeral. He said that there was something he could help me with provided I help him first. I really didn’t think anything of it at first. But then the case against Havoc fell apart. I started to think about it harder. Time went by, and I felt deader inside the more the seconds ticked by and I needed to do something. So I gave Chico a call. He informed me that I was going to have to go out of the box on the case. He was very adamant that I understand that I was on my own and that I could lose my job with the F.B.I. I just nodded my head. Protocol is just a word. So more time went by and I suppose he decided that maybe the job would get done better if everything was on the up and up. I saw the header for the assignment and I figured I could have the inside track on being the special agent in charge. Then your speech shot me down.

Surveillance was all that you could offer. So I took it. I didn’t believe at the time that all aspects of the case were open. The thing that threw me was who I was watching. Not Havoc, you made it clear I was to go nowhere near him. Instead it was to follow around a woman in a rival organization. Instead of thinking it through, seeing what was really going on, I yelled at Mills in the parking lot. I vented all of my frustration of not understanding why I had to follow around someone who had nothing to do with it. Mills being the senior agent he is calmly told me that maybe this woman could be our ticket in. Maybe.

Task force was in place. We all had our assignments operation Mountain Bike was underway. Chico and the D.E.A would handle The Outsiders and the F.B.I. would handle back up and surveillance. The norm was Mills and I tailing Shane and getting all we could from satellite recon. You know those dishes we would point at the windows and get the frequencies off the glass. Cool stuff.

 

Bakersfield California, 14 months ago I think……

 

“Mills?” Carmen asked. 

“Yeah?”

“Do you think that? I don’t know what you would do if it were your wife?”

“Carmen….you have to focus on work…it’s the only way…I can’t have these girly talks with you…but I would probably want to gut the fucker…hey is that her?”

She is fucking beautiful…much more than her photo. That’s all my mind could focus on. 

“Carmen yoo-hoo earth to Carmen…..”

“Sorry Mills, yeah that’s her…what is she doing?’ We were watching Shane very closely at this time. Round the clock observations through binoculars, high powered photo lenses and grainy video. That day Shane was vivid in her gang colors doing various ticks on her motorcycle. Carefree and wild. 

“Showing off, you know these street racers and their wheelies and dumb ass tricks….you did watch the video….”

“There’s a video?” More video I thought to myself. 

“Yeah they actually tape themselves how do you think we put this case together so fast…? You sure you’re alright?”

 

I just watched her in the parking lot, spinning doing things on motorcycles I didn’t know you could do…hand plants….she did this trick where she rode on the bike side saddle, her feet standing on the gas pedal……she had no fear at all…and when she was done riding around…she went to the bar and picked up the hottest girl and they drove rode off back to her place….I felt like a voyeur watching her romance this girl. Wine soft music. Mills needed a break…and I really wanted to know just who Shane McCutcheon was? I think back to that night watching Shane with that woman. It seemed she loved her with her body. The way she looked at her. This smoldering look like she was melting her with her eyes, through binoculars I saw as they made their way to her bedroom. The way she leaned in, the ferocity of her kisses, the way she knew how to please the woman, she had her cornered and pinned and the chic didn’t even know how it started. She turned her around kissed her shoulder and her hands disappeared. My pulse was pounding, we needed audio, and I needed audio. All I heard was the woman’s jagged moans, their breath fogging up my binoculars… Mills came back in and shook his head at the audio. I just shook my head right back and looked at her file again. I was so stuck on her mug shot I was obsessed with her… file. I decided to read it some more when I got home, I needed to be alone to work up a proper profile of her….. They went at it for the rest of the night. Early next morning we were relieved by the second team of agents. I got home and pinned her mug shot to my wall. I read the file glancing at it here and there.

 

 

Shane McCutcheon

Born in Dallas, Texas in 1980

Mother deceased. Found murdered.

Father murdered 3 months later.

No arrests made for either murder.

No siblings.

Adopted by Curtis Wayland.

Long rap sheet. No hard time. No felony convictions.

Currently resides in Bakersfield Ca.

 

 

Something about reading that really broke my heart. She had no one in the world….I knew how that felt. Then I flipped the file back to the second mug shot and you couldn’t really see the look of someone who was affected by this. The look I saw in her eye was as if to say the jokes on us.

Four months into surveillance and we learned nothing new. The D.E.A was making no progress into The Outsiders and they were running out of idea’s at the weekly meetings, it was suggested that I attempt to make contact with Havoc. This idea was bought to you by the only lead they had, they intercepted a phone conversation with Mark Wayland, seems Mark needed a woman but he wasn’t specific as to why. He needed someone unconnected. It seemed like everyone in the room looked my way. You looked none too pleased and reminded the D.E.A that is was a bad idea to take me off the surveillance. You mentioned my abilities to profile would lead to greater results, you were overridden by the Deputy Director, he was unaware of my personal involvement and you were not inclined to mention it at the time.

I think the thing that was overlooked in the meeting was why did Mark need someone? An unconnected woman? Why would the second in command need to make an ally of the rival boss? I bought it up to Chico and he liked my initiative, he pulled me to the side and told me that he thinks the gangs were teaming up to have enough capital to make a huge buy from Mexico. Chico had the idea that I should tend bar at the place Havoc frequented. One or the other whether I got in through one gang or the other. Make it happen and we both get what we want.

So I began tending bar at the Golden Lady. I got hit on by a lot of guys but I didn’t respond to the advances. Havoc caught me a couple of times flirting with one of the girls; and then Havoc’s visits became more frequent till he approached me with a proposition. There was 10k in the deal but I had to prove my loyalty to The Outsiders. I told him I was gay and he could take his business elsewhere. I didn’t want to appear too eager by accepting his offer right off. He persisted and told me that I was gift from heaven. He couldn’t believe his luck. He said I was perfect. This isn’t really news to you it’s all in the report. What’s not in the report is what I had to do to prove my loyalty to The Outsiders.

 

 

“You know it’s a shame your gay. I would make your pussy pop if you ever gave me the chance.” Havoc leered. 

“What is it you want me to do, Havoc right? What kind of name is Havoc anyways?” I twirled the gum I was chewing around my fingers. It seemed to distract him for a moment. “It’s a street thing babe. So look here’s the gig. You like girls right what do you think of this girl?”

 

I think she is the sexiest thing I have seen in my life. “She’s hot what her name is?”

“Her name… is Shane. She is kind of sexy for a dyke…”

“So what do you want me to do?”

“Well act like you like her a lot keep her busy, you know be creative.” 

 

It had felt like a choir was signing just for me at the moment. “So what do I have to do to prove my worth?”

“You see this chic Shane? She has a real soft spot for girls who are damaged. And I am going to have to hurt you a little bit.”

I had looked at him a little incredulously. Feigning shock and disgust. 

“Nah baby not like that. I just need to cut you up a bit to make it real, you know bumps and bruises and shit isn’t going to do jack they heal, I need you damaged. With this…”

“You want to cut me, so some chic will like me more?”

“You ever heard that song “Policy of truth?” Great tune baby, but the point of it is it has to be real, she won’t fall for it if you’re not hurt…but look here’s the thing we take you to a neutral place. You make yourself known to her. Do what you got to do to get her to like you…which baby won’t be hard. If she falls for you then we go ahead and slice you a little bit, if not no big deal you get the cash and we never met. Deal?”

So I agreed. I met him clean no wire. Mills was a few stools down so I wasn’t in any real danger. Contact was made. I left out the details of this because I wanted to get close to Shane so bad that for minute I lost focus on the man who killed my Helena. All that came out of his mouth all I heard was Shane. Did I want Shane more than I wanted him dead or in jail? No, but I wanted to know her. My report as it read was how contact was made. How Havoc wanted me to pall around with him. And I left it like that. Mills didn’t buy it cause he saw Havoc hand me the picture of Shane…which I still have……But he didn’t make an issue out of it

 

 

 

 

Key west, Florida.

 

 

“You know Shane…I am really sorry. I know that you don’t want to hear this.”

 

“Know something Dana, it doesn’t matter. Carmen…I don’t know…….”

 

“Shane she told me that I had to save you. She said that if you died I was next….I think that maybe she does love…”

 

“Don’t say another word… What does it mean anyway some fucked vague thing you’re never going to have? It’s all bullshit, an illusion. Love is something for people who aren’t… I don’t know fuck love and fuck her…” This is all raw anger and hurt. Here in this beach front paradise I felt anything but saved.

“Shane you should probably sleep.” She says as she closes the door.

Dana means well. She wants to be the good guy in all this. She wants me to think that she’s here for me. Every breath I take pulls me further away from Carmen and it’s driving me crazy. Being on this island is driving me crazy. This pain in my shoulder isn’t hurting enough to keep my mind off all this other shit. I wonder what Carmen is doing right now? I wonder if she is ok? I really shouldn’t care. But the sucking feeling inside makes it impossible for me to not think about her.

*

So between having tailed Shane for months before I met Havoc (fuck face as I secretly called him) I knew a little of what to expect. But he took me to see her race and that was something different from watching her with Fairbanks or the woman she picked up in the bar. We sat on the top of this trail out in the desert. She was there with Mark Wayland. She had this unbelievably dumb blonde bimbo on her arm. The blonde kissed her cheek for luck. I could tell by the way Shane extended her cheek in for the invite. The woman then went back to Mark’s side and kissed him on the mouth which added a new dimension into the profile I was working on. Did they share girls? Were they all involved in a real life Greg Araki movie? I was angry.

Shane looked calm her eyes dead focused on the road. The race was about to start, it was a simple sprint race. But I could see the plotting behind the scenes, I could see Mark on his phone then I hear Havoc’s phone ring a second later. I see the nod from Mark as he looks up at our position. The race went like this. Three riders try to knock Shane off the track but her speed and skill make it impossible to catch her. When she crosses the finish line they all applaud her including Havoc.

“You’re on tonight babe. Party at Elliot’s don’t worry the boys will be there.” Havoc leaned in close to my ear. He was always such a close talker. 

“Sure. But if she does not like me I expect to get my money…”

He laughs that kind of mocking laugh that says Im stupid. “She is going to love you, look at you. You are sex on wheels babe.”

So hours later and we go to this Elliot’s party. I walk in and she sees me before I see her. I immediately feel like a different person. I was so drawn to her…her eyes so green, I love green eyes I don’t know….we stared at each other and it made me feel like liquid. I had no real mass it was so intense just looking at her. I mean it was insane to be in a room with a person who I was magnetically drawn to.

So I am hanging with the boys. I was counting in my head, moments dragging by. I see her as she walks over but the idiots, Johnny and Paco stood up and she backed away. She wasn’t afraid she just didn’t want the hassle. They started drinking and playing some idiotic game. So I drifted off and walked past her, my heels clicking softly, I was hoping she would notice but she didn’t at least I thought she didn’t.

I stop writing my hand cramped up. Maybe right on time. Did I want to get into graphic detail with my boss on how good it felt when I touched Shane on that line for the first time, I couldn’t go into detail about how silky and hot her skin was, how sharp her gaze was as it traveled the length of my body, the thrill when I dragged her in the bathroom with me, the way she looked at me like was I for real, the salty taste of her fingers, the way it felt when we kissed, the feel of her inside me…..god.

 

Why was this so fucking horrible? Why don’t I just go to her, get away from all this shit? What do I owe the F.B.I? An oath I took an oath. No A.D. Porter doesn’t need to know anything other than I slept with her.

 

You know something Bette, I slept with Shane that night. That was the final mistake. After that everything was static. I went with Shane to her apt. we had sex and the next morning I witnessed officer Alice Pieszecki threaten and shake down Shane. I will have more on officer Pieszecki later in my report. Shane dropped me off to my cover house. And Havoc called as soon as she left.

 

“So?”

“Yeah I am in. She is very interested.” I said to him as I watched Shane ride off on her motorcycle.

“Great!” he couldn’t hide his excitement over the phone. “Money will be yours as soon as we complete the deal. I would bring some band-aides if I were you….”

My initiation into The Outsiders went as followed. I meet Havoc at his place. He has one of his people take a sterile box cutter and slice the 15 slashes from all the fallen members. That’s the line they ran to me. I think about Shane, I think about Helena, I think about how good it felt to have Shane respond to my touch, I think about everything except the burning pain and how weird it was that in the last twenty four hours I felt more alive than I had in the year before it.


	3. If it looks broken...

I stare at the ceiling; I tried really hard not to cry. I tried really hard not to see Carmen in my mind. Then a light would flash and I’d see her smile at me all foggy in my head. I gulped down the water on the nightstand, but it wouldn’t choke down the feeling and before I knew it I was crying. And I hate crying it makes me feel like a kid. It’s that choking kind of crying, and there is no end to it. I catch my breath long enough to rev up for more pathetic tears. I needed a drink.

Dana won’t let me have any, not while I am on my meds. What meds? I didn’t feel anything except this sucking chest wound Carmen left me with. When this bullet hole heals it will be complete I think to myself. There will be nothing left. No glimpses, no reminders, no taste of her feel of her, no walks on the beach, no this is not fair. I did the right thing, I tried to save her, and she just goes back to her normal life. Unaffected, untouched by this is fucking bullshit. It’s when I feel angry that I stop crying like a baby. It’s the anger and the pills, it’s the fatigue of what happened these last few days, and it’s me falling asleep and dreaming.

 

 

In this dream Carmen and I are in a room. The room is bathed in light, light so clear and crisp it makes everything feels like a snow capped mountain. It’s warm though, not hot or humid but warm. We are in one of those canopy beds. We are bone tired and she is just lounging like cat on top of me, the feel of her body it’s driving me wild but, I let her sleep. That Jack Johnson song “Sexy Plexi” was playing softly in the back ground. I kiss her forehead as she sleeps. She smiles a little in her sleep. I whisper that I love her in her ear. It’s the kind of dream that seems to last forever. It doesn’t and I wake up wet faced and angry. There are no more happy endings I think. I light a smoke and walk out to the balcony. It’s night time. The water looks nice and cool and I could care less.

 

 

Los Angeles, California 4 hours earlier.

 

 

Am I proud of what I did? I am not; it wasn’t a matter of thinking it was reacting. I reacted to Shane the minute I saw her. I can’t say why. I mean I can but how do you explain love at first sight. I was losing the battle in my head at the time. It was supposed to be a case; I was supposed to be a fucking professional. Yet there I was bleeding in his bathroom. The gauze itching me already. I looked at myself in the mirror. I wondered who was looking back. It was too late to turn to back. I was in. Havoc was done and he didn’t even know it. I could kill him whenever I wanted, I thought. I envisioned it enough. But I liked the idea of destroying him from the inside out.

 

And I had to know what he wanted of Shane.

 

“So Carmen tell me how good was it? Is she good, I heard she is a fucking sex goddess or something? How many times did you come?” Havoc had asked with drool practically hanging off his face. 

“My money?” I had my hand out waiting. 

“No kiss and tell huh? Sure babe here’s your money if you’re thinking about seeing her again I wouldn’t. Remember the policy of truth? You had something to hide... now you got to hide it…..give her a while make her miss you…you’ll thank me later. And in the meantime how’s your Spanish?”

Mills chewed me out when I got back. “You never go anywhere without a partner, you broke protocol, they could have your badge, you could have gotten killed…A.D. Porter,” and on he went; his face red with rage, how long was I going to piss my career away? What the fuck was going on with McCutcheon? If I want to do Havoc gang land style why don’t I and stop wasting tax payers money and his time, he was getting to old for this shit, and Danny Glover’s Lethal Weapon sax playing just for him, was I already fucking Shane, does the D.E.A. know about this, this isn’t going to bring back Helena, he doesn’t care how close and I am with A.D Porter, he wasn’t going to risk his pension, again he was getting to old for this shit. I poured some drinks and told him nothing. I didn’t answer any of his ranting questions. I didn’t know how.

When I got back to office that following Monday, my back itched like a motherfucker. My every movement reminding me of how off the fucking beaten path I was walking. I headed to my desk and typed up my report. I headed to your office and turned in my progress report as usual. One copy for you one for Chico Mendoza. And then I went back to the Golden Lady. Tended my normal bar, till Havoc showed up, the stink of his Curve cologne making me want to pour acid on him just so I could breathe. I hated him. I heard his tires screeching every time I closed my eyes. I reminded myself that it would be too easy for him to die, I lied to myself really. I wanted to make it hard for him to die. He introduced me to Mark Wayland. And I had to act like I wasn’t surprised to find him with Havoc.

“You know Shane is quite taken with you.” Mark said as he stuffed a handful of bar pretzels in his mouth. I remember thinking how gross it was. 

“I told ya Marky it would work, look at her who could resist her.” Havoc said slamming down a shot of cinnamon schnapps. 

 

 

“So you know Shane how exactly?” I asked him.

“I am her best friend. You’re doing her a favor. She likes you a lot you know. I have seen Shane with lots of girls but you are something altogether more serious.” Mark stops and thinks for a long moment. “Good job Havoc; let’s take this somewhere where we can talk.”

 

“Did you get that?” I said to the microphone taped to my stomach. 

 

“Yeah Carm I’m on it...Hey Carmen watch that Wayland guy, I don’t think he liked your question…” Mills voice cracked over the radio.

It’s funny how fast time goes. I noticed that Paco was always on errands always running off to somewhere, all near this unmarked sedan. Passed the info on to Mills and turns out to be two officers, Pieszecki and Perkins. Mills did a little background check on officer Pieszecki and her partner Mitchell Perkins. Turns out they were already under investigation by I.A. So we let them handle it and stayed the hell out of the way. They had their hands in everything involving this two rival gangs, taking payoffs from both sides. I’ll forward over the evidence gathered prior to their deaths, which in truth I haven’t found the perpetrators involved. Whoever committed the crimes left nothing to proceed on? At this time case #JD98548857855APMP is unsolved. I.A will probably have more current info on the case.

 

And so I did like I was instructed. I kept my distance. Let myself heal. Went to all The Outsider parties. For appearance sake. Had to make everyone think I was fuck face’s girl. Keeping my distance from Shane was hard. Palling around with Havoc had us in the same place a lot. I saw her here and there and did my best to stay out of her line of sight. She was always with Mark and Lazlo Gomez (see file on Lazlo).

Days turned to weeks and then I heard a familiar engine humming outside my cover house. I prayed she wouldn’t knock on my door. She didn’t. She left and headed to a night club called MRX. I know I followed her. The clubs dim strobe lighting and pounding music providing the cover. She had no idea I was there. I watched as she made her way to the bar and downed shot after shot. She paid no mind to all the attention that swirled around her. She was too use to it. I wanted to go to her so bad it hurt. 

Then that Fairbanks woman was there. The sight of her making me want to harm her for hurting Shane. Fairbanks just wrapped an arm around her waist and Shane knew who it was without having to turn around. They didn’t even say a word to each other, they just stood there staring and you could see electricity cracking all around them. I watch as they hit the floor dancing, grinding on each other, kissing. It was getting a little heavy you could see the urgency on them. I just stood against the wall hating them both at that minute.

They danced for an hour and then made their way to the ladies room. I followed them at a respectable distance. There were woman laughing doing drugs, I caught a glimpse of Fairbanks skimpy dress before the door to the stall closed. I took the one next to them. I was dangerously over the line. But that happened way before that. I heard there muffled moans, felt someone’s body crashing into the stall. They were in there for a while. They emerged after Shane told her that was goodbye. The music was so loud leaking in from the open door of the ladies room. But I caught that. Fairbanks wanted to know who her replacement was, Shane told her that she didn’t know her. And walked away lighting a cigarette. I step out of the stall and glare at Fairbanks as she attempts to make herself immaculate again.

 

 

 

 

*  
Key West, Florida

 

 

 

“How are you feeling Shane?”

“Carmen?” I woke with blurring eyes blinded by the sunlight creaking in. At first all I see is dark brown hair and I think that it’s her. 

“No Shane…its Dana, Carmen is not here”

 

“Sorry, these meds are making me allllllll….. Fuzzy……”

 

“I got a nurse to change your bandages. She’ll be up in minute.”

 

“Thanks…..I sorrrrrrrry about calllllling you Carmen.”

 

“You know Shane it’s all right, you’re in love with her and it’s still fresh in your mind about how it was and….”

 

“I had a dream about her…..”

 

“Really….what was it about?”

 

“We were just lying in bed and I told her I lovvvved her and she just slept right thru…”

 

“You know Shane it’s only been a few days seen you’ve seen her. You can’t think that you’re going to get better overnight. I mean she is a federal agent. She could have locked you up for a long time. She loves you, you just have to give her time. She is not stupid you know….not like I was…”

 

“Aaaaaaaah Danes, it just wasn’t the right time…I loved yoooou know. I really did…”

 

“Yeah sure you did…”

 

“No really I had really intense feelings for you. I got stabbed cause of you…well not cause of you, you but because of the way you leftttttt when I asked you to leave him…….. See…wow the scar….”

 

“Wow…you have a lot of those don’t you?”

 

“Yeah………..look you have been unreal about all this. I don’t know how I am ever gonnaaaa repay you…..”

 

“I’ve been thinking about that. And I think that I want to invest in a street racing team….you hire all the people handle all the things that you people do….I’ll be you silent partner….”

 

“Are you high or am I toooooo high..?”

 

“Nope. I just have buckets of money to spend and more coming in the divorce and I want to do something dangerous with you…”

 

 

I try to sit up in bed to get a good look at Dana It’s the way she said “you” that made part of me not murdered by Carmen spark to life. It’s the way she checked my forehead to see if I had a fever even though the nurse was on her way up….I had a sneaking thought that Dana wanted me back……..

 

 

 

 

L.A. California,

 

 

Shane and I never really talked about things. We just………well we got to know each other in different ways. The more time I spent with her, the more I never wanted to leave her…pieces of the case where crumbling. Havoc made plans for a trip to Tijuana to meet up with key members of the Moon Lights. He wanted me there to translate anything out of the ordinary. I of course didn’t want to go but the .D.E.A. had the lead they needed and I had to go. The trip didn’t last as long as I thought. I was sent right back I guess the Moon Lights didn’t think it benefited them to the deal to have me there. So I came back home.

You remember that conversation?

 

 

L.A. a little over a year ago.

 

 

“A.D. Porter what are you doing here?” I had asked after I answered the door. 

“Not A.D. Porter I am here as a friend.” You had said with all the seriousness in the world. 

“Ok what can I do for you?” I knew where this was going and what it was about. I didn’t want to hear it though. So I tried to be short and professional. “Look I’ll have my report on your desk first thing-”

“No,” You said started to say. I knew the discomfort you felt. It’s-”

“Look Bette I don’t mean to be rude but I just spent the last three weeks in Tijuana trying to figure out how I got there…” I walked to the kitchen and started to make coffee. 

“Carmen, are you sleeping with your contact?” 

I stopped shoveling the coffee grounds into the machine and stood still. Maybe if I deflected maybe you would have bought it. “Why would you ask me that, you know I don’t sleep with guys…”

“No not him I mean Shane McCutcheon.” This silence…well it hung in the air, swinging back from me to you.

“Bette, Helena is not even a year in the ground and you’re asking me that!”

“I am not saying anything…look… I know how bad things have been for you since Helena died…but is sleeping with her is that going to make it all go away?” I said nothing. I did nothing. I stared at the wall behind your head. “Kit told me that you were seeing someone, she said she saw you pull up on a motorcycle, she said the woman was lanky….has spiky hair…that sounds like your contact to me.”

“What do you want me to say Bette? Am I supposed to not feel anything anymore because she is gone?”

“It’s highly, highly inappropriate…it will jeopardize the case, your career!”

“Like seducing a student at Quantico?” I bit back. 

“Jesus Carmen, what is with you lately? That’s not even the same thing-”

“You are right I am sorry…that was really fucked up…”

“Are you in love with her, or is it a sex thing or are you so far buried in you grief that you believe you need to hurt yourself?”

“I am not hurting myself….”

“Carmen this woman is a criminal. She is a dangerous individual. What would happen if you cover is blown, I doubt she would hesitate to kill you….”

“No. it’s not like that with Shane she…..trusts me.”

“Carmen get a fucking grip! She doesn’t know you. She knows a Carmen that does not exist. You’re lying to her every time you speak…..are you so far gone that you believe this lie you’re telling?”

“I don’t know….” I didn’t know really. That coffee wasn’t making itself. I went back to work trying to brew something to make this conversation go away. 

“I am pulling you off this assignment. What a fucking mistake I made. Here I thought you would shoot the man who ran down your woman, but you’re not even thinking about that anymore. All you care about is your fling with Shane McCutcheon!”

“Are you saying you want me to kill him?”

“No, ugh.” You were so upset that night. You ran your hand in hair almost yanking it out you were pissed at me. “What I am saying is I thought you being near him would cloud your thinking I had no idea that it would be clouded by a degenerate street racer…”

“Don’t call her that. She is not a degenerate.”

“Carmen are you aware that she possibly murdered someone.”

“…that’s never been substantiated…”

“Carmen you realize that any crimes she commits that you don’t report…it’s a crime it’s called aiding and abetting.”

“Don’t fucking tell me the rules I know the fucking rules. A guy runs some down, and somehow evidence gets tampered with and a murderer walks away….don’t tell me about the law I know the law!”

“Carmen you are not to see that woman again, unless it’s part of you investigation of William Woyawikka. Is that clear? You go anywhere near Shane McCutcheon and I’ll have you relieved of duty.”

I had a decision to make. Stay with Shane, let the chips fall where they may assuming she never ever found out I was .F.B.I. which was highly unlikely. Not to mention that I would have to forgo any chance of bringing Havoc to justice…ha justice. I called Shane and told me to meet me at a Wendy’s parking lot.

Shane was smart. And it was just a matter of time before she pieced together who I really was….I had been lying to her about a lot of things and it was wearing her down. I guess I owed her the freedom to get away from me. I pulled into the parking lot and she was waiting in that way she does, head on a swivel. Always looking for an exit…her eyes opened bright and she smiled when she saw me. Her head tilted to the side, it was that sweet goofy the smile on her face…And then I crushed her. I told her I couldn’t see her anymore…….and I walked away. My will was iron. I needed to bring Havoc in, I couldn’t get pulled off the case…I told myself these things and I refused to cry.


	4. Everything to gain

I got the call from Mills on the way home from saying goodbye to Shane. “Somebody popped Lazlo Gomez.”

“Fuck me.”

“Yeah some witness's got a unmarked Ford in the area…my guess someone had Pieszecki and Perkins cap him. Any idea’s why?” His tone of voice implied I knew why.

“I don’t know,” I truly didn’t. “What’d you tell Porter about me and Shane?”

“What are you talking about?’

“A.D. Porter knew about us.”

“Look Carm I’m no snitch, that’s on you. You shouldn’t have been with her anyway and you know it. If Porter knows, then you’re not as clever as you think. It’s not like you did a good job of hiding it anyway. I mean it’s all over the office. Everybody knew you left with her that night at Mears’s party….last time I checked you were supposed to make contact and then leave…….not do what you did in the bathroom and leave…..I mean did you forget you were wired?”

 

I didn’t answer that question. Again the old timer had me. How fucking dumb was I?

 

“It’s over…I won’t see her anymore…maybe Lazlo knew about us? Maybe Mark had him killed?”

“Good now you’re thinking using that big brain of yours.” I could hear the ruffled sound of Mills opening a bag of chips. “Look, Carmen I am not heartless… and I am sorry about Shane...”That was it he hung up.

Fuck was all I could think. Case was wrong from the beginning. It was started for all the wrong reasons. What the fuck was I going to do? I pulled off to the side of the highway. And rested my head against my steering wheel. I could only see Shane from afar, no more contact….no more. I had a job to do right?

* 

After that I became harder as a person. I was robotic in every aspect of work. Havoc on the other hand was in and out Mexico. The D.E.A. broke a couple of deals, with our surveillance. I kept an on eye on Shane on my own time. She did her best to not self-destruct but it wasn’t working. There was nothing I could do for her. Her trips to the more dangerous jobs became less frequent on account of her mounting drinking problem.

Somewhere in the later course of the year someone killed the “dirty birds” as we were calling them. Officers Pieszecki and Perkins were found shot dead execution style in there sedan. All we could think was Havoc was making his move. There were rumblings that the “dirty birds” wanted too much for the services they were providing….either way things at the time were changing and fast. Havoc had Paco tailing Curtis Wayland….we intercepted a couple of phone calls voicing his unhappiness with Shane and Mark claiming they slacked off in the duties in Slayer X.

Somewhere in the course of the year I made up my mind to kill him. This process of justice was taking too long. He didn’t ask any more if I saw Shane he knew I didn’t. He made it seem like it was all part of his plan. He’d taunt me to try to get something out of me he thought he had…

 

“Saw Shane last night at the track. God you should have seen the girl she was with….sure you don’t want to see her again? I mean I never said not to…want to tell me what went wrong?” I gave him nothing. Just a blank bored look. He thought for a few seconds and smiled that smile a boy would give his mother for doing something he thought was sneaky. “It doesn’t matter you played your part perfectly she can’t do shit since you left her! Brilliant! It was all your sweet plan…bring her up and tear her down….god you’re beautiful…”

“You think so? I have been thinking about you a lot lately…you’re so strong…” I had said slinking over to where he was sitting. I draped myself over his lap and kissed him. 

“So I am getting to you huh? Well I need you next week….just take a walk with her……it won’t hurt you….after that it’s you and me babe” 

 

To say I was confused was an understatement. To say my blood didn’t burn at the thought of seeing Shane again was a lie. I kept my neutral focus though. Didn’t let it hint on how happy I was. He was looking for that. “Don’t make me wait too long sweetness,” I said as I slinked away. “I may not be around forever…”

So I was going to see Shane. Nothing anyone could do, no way anyone could say I would be breaking protocol. All I had to do was deal with his pawing of me a little while longer then I could explain everything to her…we were the same she and I only I got out and she didn’t.

 

Key west, Florida.

 

The nurse changed my bandages. Gave me a clean bill of health. I thought about what Dana said. I knew some people in Miami. There was a lot of racing here in Florida. Legal racing, more legal than out west. I knew Endy in Little Havana. There was always the Underground Racing League. It was a great way to not think about Agent Morales. It just might work.

“Hey she leave?” I ask breaking my thoughts. 

“Yeah Shane she said you’re doing well.” Dana says. 

“I’ve been thinking about what you said. You know about starting a new team…I think it might work…..and maybe we won’t have to break the law too much…….” She comes over to my side of the bed and hugs me. I don’t hug her back. “I am sorry Danes, I can’t right now…”

“I know Shane. I know, I just… when I… saw you lying there back at your house, I thought you were dead….I just ….I don’t know…..I never really told you how I felt about you….you don’t need this right now…just get better….oh I got something for you…” She hands me an AP news clipping.

 

 

Los Angeles California, today’s date. 

An underground street racing syndicate known as “The Outsiders” has been the target of a joint F.B.I., D.E.A. taskforce. The gang is believed to be responsible for numerous deaths, prostitution, money laundering, drug trafficking, police bribery and more pending charges. William Woyawikka head of the racing syndicate smiled at his hearing… Some stuff on the deaths of Mark and Curt…god Mark…..it hits me hard. I didn’t even have time to deal with it, Fuck! This is weird…according to the article, they think Havoc was in charge of Slayer X….those stupid motherfuckers… There’s a picture of Carmen putting him in the back of the police cruiser. She finally got him. 

I stare at the black and white photo of her for a long time.

She looks tired, and worried. And beautiful. I get my Zippo and walk into the bathroom. Standing in front of the mirror I noticed how unhappy I looked. Like more than usual. I look at her in the picture again. She looks official, she looks like her true self. I take the picture and light it on fire…watching the paper smoke and curl, it burns my hand and I drop it in the sink.

 

West Hollywood California. 

That meeting with Carmen today left little to my imagination. Everything I thought she was going to say…she didn’t. On top of all this we had bodies in the morgue, a warehouse blown to pieces, and a very missing piece of a messy puzzle. This is what happens when you let cowboys run an assignment. All morning long I had pleaded with the deputy director to give Carmen time. I explained that the case had mitigating circumstances. Of course he wanted to know what they were…and I didn’t want to tell him. So he called for a review of the entire case.

The more I went through the logs, the more I realized we really had nothing on the man in custody. We had illegal wire taps, we had shoddy surveillance, we had dead bodies everywhere, and we had an agent who retired rather than testify against his partner. As it stood right now we can’t charge William Woyawikka with anything but tax evasion. If we were lucky. 

Carmen is in trouble and a lot of it is my fault. I set a piss poor example in sleeping with her when she arrived in my ballistics course. She was young and fresh, and so very pretty. With her blazing smile and eager attitude I couldn’t not approach her. Then getting promoted and moving out west I gave her no goodbye, imagine my surprise to hear at the office three years later. When I first met her she was a sweet girl, when I saw again she was a woman, no nonsense, no bullshit. The training took to her well and she was a remarkable talent. Her ability to blend in, to read situations, she was an invaluable asset to the F.B.I. and now she is disgraced. That night when I saw her walk in to the ballroom I was sure I was going to go home with her. But as luck would have the benefactor of the evening had an eye on her first.

 

Three years ago.

 

“My word who is that?”

“That there is Agent Carmen Morales. She was one of my finest students, hell of a shot. Had a little trouble focusing…..Helena?”

“Hmmm, sorry. Would you? I mean unless you’re….”  
I laughed. “You want me to introduce you?”

“That would be splendid.” Helena blushed. Like a teenager. This powerful, unbendable woman was totally taken with Agent Morales. It wasn’t a surprise. Carmen was totally Helena’s type. After some awkwardness on my part, I made the intros and you couldn’t pry them apart, something about Carmen and Helena just worked. You wouldn’t think it would at first, but they talked and talked and flirted and left together. My work that night was done. And I went home, then next day I got a huge arrangement of flowers thanking me for the intro.

They were inseparable.

They had fights though mostly about Helena’s inability to tell her mother about them. That’s what lead to Helena’s death. They argued, and she ran into the street…and got killed by this “Havoc” person. Carmen was never the same after that. I should have given her leave…I should have forced her to take the time needed to heal….It’s irrelevant now….the D.E.A. got what they wanted….Havoc is going to walk…he probably has doubled his turf. And Carmen was more than likely out of a job. The hearing tomorrow was just a formality….maybe if Carmen gave up McCutcheon, and maybe if McCutcheon became a material witness maybe Carmen could keep her job….that is if she doesn’t kill him first…The knocking on my door takes me out of my thoughts, I check the time and it’s three in the morning.

 

 

I open my door and see Carmen still in her now rumpled business suit. She stepped around me and walked inside leaving me baffled. 

“I know it’s late, but I have my final report for you-”

“Carmen it’s too late for that now.”

“What do you mean?” I looked at her curiously, as if she didn’t know. “I mean it’s all hitting the fan. Mills retired, he didn’t want to testify against you at the hearing. The D.E.A neglected to mention the illegal wire taps they were using, I am sorry but I think he is going to walk…”

“What!”

“We really don’t have anything on him-”

“He tried to kill Shane! He told me he killed her….her house was blown to pieces…”

“I know but forensics haven’t found anything yet, and you I both know she is not dead….” She pulls up my pajama top….

“What the fucking hell are you doing?”

“Just checking to see if you’re live.” Carmen said with venom in her voice.

“Carmen I am the Assistant Director of the L.A. branch of the F.B.I. why would I want to tape this?”

“Trust no one right, it worked for Mulder…”

“Carmen…I don’t know if I can help you. I don’t think there is anything I can do to save your job and I know…” Jesus, I didn’t know anything really. I lost the thread of this case a long time ago. “I don’t know…if you turn around and walk out the door I never saw you…it’s all I can offer. I’ll take your report into account…”

“Don’t bother, I quit!” And just like that she was gone. I looked at the pages in my hand and wondered if I should even read them……maybe it will make a good fire… 

 

Key West Florida.

In dreams I find a lot meaning. My dreams always taught me something. This dream is a nightmare on acid. We are back at The Road House. We are all lined up. All the members of Slayer X on one side and on the other side are the members of The Outsiders. One by one we being pushed into a bottomless pit in the ground. Mark is ahead of me and he is laughing. I ask him what’s so funny and he tells me that he always wanted to meet his mother; he said he never got a chance because my father killed her. I tell him no shit. And Curt leans in to tell me not to listen to him. Carmen taps me on the shoulder and asks me to get off the line. She said it’s reserved for malcontents only. Havoc then pushes her in the pit…he asks me what’s worse a lousy lay or an undercover cop?

 

I wake up in pool of sweat. My shoulder hurt, my mouth felt like I spent the night eating cotton swabs, my hand were shaking. I had this feeling that Carmen was in trouble. I had no idea how to help her…I don’t even think she would let me….I try the number again and all I get is that annoying voice telling me that the customer I was trying to call is no longer in service. I punch the wall with my hand not in a sling and immediately regret it. I call the LA. Office of the F.B.I. and ask for Agent Carmen Morales.

 

“Hi this is Agent Morales I am not available please leave a brief message and I will return your call…”

I hang up.

 

Unknown location.

 

“So you think you won something right?” The hoots and cat calls are making it hard for me to hear.

“You know when I get out of here and I will, I am going to enjoy cutting up your sweet Shane. I’ll feed all those little pieces of her to my dogs,” Havoc says through the bars. “And I am going to make you watch my beloved.”

 

Full sneer and his stupid face make me want to laugh.  
“I’ll see you soon. And Havoc? Don’t think I am afraid of you. Remember, I. had. You. The only thing that saved you was Shane…and my badge which I no longer have…..I’ll see you around Papi.” I blow a kiss at him as I walk away.


End file.
